Questions young people might have about getting support at The STAR Centre

Sexual violence is a general term used to describe any sexual activity or act (online and in person) that was unwanted, or where there was pressure, coercion or force. 

If something sexual or in your relationship has happened that: 

• You didn't want
• You felt pushed in to
• That you felt you had to say yes to or that you couldn't say no

There is a chance this was sexual violence, and you deserve support. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was or who it was that hurt you. What happened wasn’t your fault. You don’t have to cope on your own.

People often think that they know how they would react if they were assaulted but the truth is that nobody knows how their body would respond, and you don’t get to choose.

When we are in danger our brain sends powerful signals to our body; many survivors describe freezing and feeling completely unable to move, cry out or fight back. This response is just as normal and natural as any other. There are also times when the fear or threat of further violence makes it less safe to fight and resist. Not fighting back does not mean that you agreed, or that it was your fault.

If something has happened to you that you feel uncomfortable or unsure about then you are welcome to reach out to us.

There are no circumstances where any of this was your fault.

Nobody ever asks to be hurt, harassed or targeted. No matter what, you are never to blame and you did not deserve for this to happen. The only person/people responsible for sexual violence are those who choose to commit it.

We live in a society that very often wrongly and harmfully blames victims of assault or considers them partly responsible for what has happened. This can be because people want to believe that if they behave differently then it won’t happen to them, but it can happen to anyone.

Your body is yours and yours alone. Anyone that ignores that fact has chosen to do so. No-one should blame you – the responsibility lies only with the person/people who chose to hurt you.

Support is a safe place for you to talk about what you want to talk about, a space for you to be listened to, without judgement. It can also include looking at feelings and how to cope with these feelings, but everyone will have their own unique experience of Support.

You can come to get support at our centre in Kilmarnock or your worker can meet you at your school. Or you can get support over the phone or on Teams if that’s easier or more comfortable for you.

If you come to us: You'll arrive at the centre at the time of your appointment and ring our door bell. One of our members of staff will let you in and take you to one of our three support rooms.

We'll usually offer you a hot drink or a glass of juice and give you a few minutes to settle before a support worker comes in.

If you can't come to us: For some people getting to the centre isn't possible. It might be too difficult to work around school or college, or public transport might not work for you. Whatever the reason we can still find ways to support you. Support can be given over the phone, on MS Teams, or one of our support staff can come to you in your school. 

Your first session is about getting to know you, so there will be some paperwork to fill out to start with. Then we'll usually start by talking about how you feel. You don't have to tell us what has happened if you don't want to, our staff are here to work with you.

Many people get quite nervous for their first support session, this is completely normal. You're meeting new people and usually doing something completely new to you! Our staff know this, so we will always go at your pace and take your lead. 

Many people think that coming for support means talking about what happened. You do not have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to. You control what you talk about in Support sessions. Support is about what is going on for you right now and how to make it better.

We do not report information back to parents. However, there are times when we might need to pass on information if we are concerned about your safety or the safety of others. We will always try to talk to you first if that ever happens. Below are the situations where we might need to pass on information:

• If you tell us that you, another child, or a vulnerable adult is at risk of harm
• If you have taken action to end your life (suicide)
• If you have serious self-harming behaviours

If we do need to speak to someone about a concern we have, we will do our best to let you know what is happening at all times. Our workers aren’t allowed to promise to keep information to themselves.

If you’d like to read our confidentiality policy, please let a staff member know.

If you are over 16 years of age then no you do not have to, it’s your choice. If you are under 16 years of age and still at risk of being harmed, then our advocacy workers can help you to report it to the police.

Our advocacy workers can also help you by:

• Explaining what the criminal justice process is
• Going with you to police interviews and/or court
• Explain things you don’t understand
• Find out what’s happening with your case
• Help to say what you feel is best for you